I seriously need a break from this house. I can not take any more of the rudeness, disrespect, hate, and hurtfulness any longer. It's depressing me more and more every day. I'm not even able to focus in school any more. My thoughts are always wondering to problems at home.
I just wish I could go back in time to when I was a little girl. Back then I was so happy. I has the 'perfect' family; in my eyes, at least. Now, we're just as dysfunctional a family as any family could be. I'm sure of it.
Yes, I've had the suicidal thoughts, considered running away, and etc - but I've never gone through with it. Why? I'm not sure. I think it's because deep, deep down I don't want to do those things because it could harm our family relationship more.
And all I really want at this point is for my family to be the way it used to be.

The darkness has been closing in slowly
Soon it will be pitch black
I will only see the horrible parts of this life
I will only see reality
There will be no more faking it
No more calm smiles and nice words
There will be no incentive to keep up with that
The darkness is surrounding me
I can only pray I will make it out alive
I can only hope someone will come and save me
I can only hope God is real

*Written by me and only me. Steal and face my wrath, bitches.

The new layout and background matchs my current attitude.

I have no happy thoughts right now.
All the good in my life has drained away in a matter of momments.
I can't even begin to explain what happened.
But it's thanks to mommy dearest, yet again.

I'm over everything. That's all I care to say.
But you can read some more in my Stardoll starblog.
Username ariannacarle.

Help, I have done it, again,
I have been here many times before,
Hurt myself again today,
And the worst part is,
There’s no one else to blame

Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me
I am small,
I’m needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again,
Lost myself and I am no where to be found,
Yeah think I might break,
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me
I am small,
I’m needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me, be my friend,
Hold me, wrap me up,
Unfold me, I am small,
I’m needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me

-Breathe Me by Sia, Lyrics from http://songlyrics.com

Today I was not at school, and instead was at a 5-hour long appointment with the therapist I started going to last year, and also my family's doctor was there.
For the past two years it has become obvious I suffer from something along the lines of Depression or Bipolar Disorder, or etc.
And today's appointment was to find out exactly what disorder/disease so I could be treated for it. And the results are: Borderline Personality Disorder.
I don't really feel like sitting here and explaining what it is, so go Google it, fuckers. I'm not gonna waste my time typing something when you could just find out about it yourself.

Anyway, bet many of you would have never even guessed I suffer from any type of personality/emotional disorder. You thought wrong. There are a lot of things people don't know about me or my life. A lot of things happened in the past two years that no one could begin to understand. And a lot of things I don't plan on ever sharing with any of you. So that's that.