I seriously need a break from this house. I can not take any more of the rudeness, disrespect, hate, and hurtfulness any longer. It's depressing me more and more every day. I'm not even able to focus in school any more. My thoughts are always wondering to problems at home.
I just wish I could go back in time to when I was a little girl. Back then I was so happy. I has the 'perfect' family; in my eyes, at least. Now, we're just as dysfunctional a family as any family could be. I'm sure of it.
Yes, I've had the suicidal thoughts, considered running away, and etc - but I've never gone through with it. Why? I'm not sure. I think it's because deep, deep down I don't want to do those things because it could harm our family relationship more.
And all I really want at this point is for my family to be the way it used to be.

^What I'm drinking right now. A hot chocolate from McDonald's because Starbucks was closed (it's past midnight, those bastards at Starbucks actually close a decent hour, you know?). I feel like I'm cheating on Starbucks, though, by drinking this. I usually only ever get hot chocolate from home or Starbucks. At least this McDonald's stuff is pretty good. Compared to Starbucks though, it sucks. Big time. I know, I know, total Starbucks addict. Oh well. I wonder if they have Starbucks Anon?

Today was my first day of school. First day is a new school. First day of being in high school (9th grade, I'm a Freshman).
And as far as first days go, it was really good. I saw and talked to a bunch of my old friends, made a couple new friends, and made it to all my classes on time - except for my first period class.
Unfortunatly my bus to take me to school was late getting to the school after it made all the stops because it was raining and there was traffic, so the rain acctualy added to the traffic. But I was only late for my first class by less than 5 minutes, and since it wasn't my fault I obviously didn't get marked Late.
And then me and a few of my friends missed our bus to go home because we didn't get a chance to talk throughout the whole day. So as soon as the Release bell rang we met up in the halls and got to talking, next thing we know we've missed out busses. Haha. That's so us. But I am home now - I had to call Ethan to come pick me up since his school day was the only one that ended before mine.
Speaking of Ethan, oddly enough him and I are friends now. You would think after the way our relationship ended we wouldn't even speak to each other. But yeah, we do. We are texting each other all the time now. But I am staying purely friends with him, that's for sure.
Maybe within the next few posts I'll share some more info about my school and schedule, you know, stuff like that.

Okay, so I was walking outside for the nightly walks I've been taking for the past few weeks. All I do is walk around the neighborhood once, every night, and I leave for the walk at 9pm.
Getting back home usually around 10pm - I usually stop at one of my friend's houses during said walk, is why it takes so long. Haha!

Anyway, tonight I walked out of the house and was walking down the driveway when out of nowhere the biggest mother fucking spider I've ever seen jumped right on my shoe. Not only did I just about piss myself but I flung the shoe off and screamed bloody murder - right before rushing back inside the house.

So now I'm about to go have a crack at nightly walk take two. This time if I spider shows up I swear I'll probably have a heart attack.

PS: My shoe is still sitting outside. Lmao!!