I seriously need a break from this house. I can not take any more of the rudeness, disrespect, hate, and hurtfulness any longer. It's depressing me more and more every day. I'm not even able to focus in school any more. My thoughts are always wondering to problems at home.
I just wish I could go back in time to when I was a little girl. Back then I was so happy. I has the 'perfect' family; in my eyes, at least. Now, we're just as dysfunctional a family as any family could be. I'm sure of it.
Yes, I've had the suicidal thoughts, considered running away, and etc - but I've never gone through with it. Why? I'm not sure. I think it's because deep, deep down I don't want to do those things because it could harm our family relationship more.
And all I really want at this point is for my family to be the way it used to be.

The darkness has been closing in slowly
Soon it will be pitch black
I will only see the horrible parts of this life
I will only see reality
There will be no more faking it
No more calm smiles and nice words
There will be no incentive to keep up with that
The darkness is surrounding me
I can only pray I will make it out alive
I can only hope someone will come and save me
I can only hope God is real

*Written by me and only me. Steal and face my wrath, bitches.

The new layout and background matchs my current attitude.

I have no happy thoughts right now.
All the good in my life has drained away in a matter of momments.
I can't even begin to explain what happened.
But it's thanks to mommy dearest, yet again.

I'm over everything. That's all I care to say.
But you can read some more in my Stardoll starblog.
Username ariannacarle.

Help, I have done it, again,
I have been here many times before,
Hurt myself again today,
And the worst part is,
There’s no one else to blame

Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me
I am small,
I’m needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again,
Lost myself and I am no where to be found,
Yeah think I might break,
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend,
Hold me,
Wrap me up,
Unfold me
I am small,
I’m needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me, be my friend,
Hold me, wrap me up,
Unfold me, I am small,
I’m needy,
Warm me up,
And breathe me

-Breathe Me by Sia, Lyrics from http://songlyrics.com

Do you remember when...
Your best friend becomes your worst enemy.
Your boyfriend becomes a prick.
Lollipops turn into cigarettes.
The innocent ones turn into bitches.
Homework goes in the trash.
Cell phones are being used in class.
Detention becomes suspension.
Soda becomes vodka.
Bikes become cars.
Undies turn into g-strings.
Kisses turn into seex.
Remember when...
Getting high meant swinging on the playground?
When protection meant wearing a helmet?
When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?
Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero?
Your worst enemies were your siblings, race issues were about who ran the fastest.
War was only a card game, the only drug you knew was cough medicine.
Wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut.
The only things that hurt you were skinned knees.
Goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?
...And we couldn't wait to grow up.. .

That is a PrintScreen of an email my Grumpy (grandpa, my mom's dad) sent me yesterday night. And after reading the first few sentences I started to cry. Like, CRY. There we high amounts of tears, I was sniffling, my face got red, etc, etc, etc. Some of the tears were happy, others were sad.
I think you'd have to understand and actually know everything I've been through in the past two years to understand why reading that email would make me cry. You might understand the happy tears, but I can imagine not many would fully understand why reading that would make me so sad.
Now I'm just really sad and now I've read that email well over ten times. And every time I read it I start to cry. God, I'm so emotional sometimes. Haha.
I need to do something to cheer myself up. I can't be all upset and stuff when I go back to school tomorrow!
OMG! This is my last day of freedom! Ahhhh! Lmao. Now I seriously need to cheer the fuck up. I can't spend my last day of Summer Vacation crying and sulking around thinking about that email and the past two years of events.
I think this is the longest post I've ever made on this blog. So I guess I'll shut-up now and go back to texting Corey and Emily.